I tried to get Kenny to change his name…
January 17th 2007 by cybertoad in commentary, domestic, gripes, maritalEight years ago when Kenny and I got married I actually had him OK with the idea of combining our family names to create a new hyphenated family name. He was fine with the concept and willing to do it but when we found out how difficult it was for a man to change his name, I didn’t press the issue.
Still, it always angered me a bit that as a woman I could walk up to the Social Security office with my marriage certificate and have my name changed with minimal trouble. Once that was changed everything else fell into place and it was a simple and standard procedure most everywhere else (the DMV, the bank, credit cards, work, etc).
The man, on the other hand, can only change his name by filling out paperwork, paying several hundred dollars and appearing before the court in order to petition the name change (it’s treated like a standard name change, no special consideration for marriage).
I tried to encourage Kenny to just walk up to the social security office with our marriage certificate like I did and when he was told he couldn’t change his name to start screaming discrimination. LOL. As you can well imagine though, he was not as keen on the idea as I was.
Well, it seems that a couple in California has done what I had always wanted us to do but had not had the gumption …
Yay!! The article definitely put a smile on my face this morning and I hope justice prevails!
What are your thoughts on this? For the record, I know the name change for men is not right for most couples and I don’t expect there to be a flurry of husbands changing names but I have always felt that feminism is a two-way street and that it should focus on equality among both women and men. That a simple legal process has different procedures for men and women is ludicrous in this day & age.
January 17th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Wow…I didn’t know that a man couldn’t just use his marriage certificate at the SS office to change his name. I just assume it would be as easy for a man as a woman when he got married if he wanted to change his name instead. That is discrimination. Even if it isn’t the norm, men should have the option same as us.
January 17th, 2007 at 10:55 am
When I was about to get married, I told my grandfather, a very conservative, religious man, that my fiance (now ex-wife) was keeping her maiden name. She was doing this for several reasons, not the least of which was she was a journalist at the time and changing her name would make it difficult on her portfolio.
My grandfather stared at me blankly and asked, “So, you won’t ACTUALLY be married?” He honestly thought that it was a legal requirement for the woman to take her husband’s last name.
So, the fact that it isn’t easy doesn’t really surprise me. I still occassionally get mail for Jeff “McPhail,” my ex’s last name and she still gets mail with my last name on it.
It got REALLY complicated when we had bank accounts or a place where we shared an account, like the vet. They had to keep two accounts for us because the software managed it by last name. We had two separate sets of identical records for the cats. Insane.
I think we should all be free to do whatever the hell we want when it comes to changing our names at any time. It’s MY name after all! If I want to change it to Jeffrey Badass, I should be able to do it, even if it would be a little redundant.
January 17th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
I think there should be no difference in it. If the man wants the woman’s last name, then it should be just as easy for him to change his as it is for her.
And, I wish I’d kept my last name. Simply because my married name is mispronounced so much. It’s aggravating.
January 17th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
last year, my wife became a U.S. citizen… and when she filled out the paperwork, she could have changed her name to anything that she wants… first middle and last name could have all be different.
January 19th, 2007 at 9:42 am
at Tom\’s old job, there was a guy who successfully changes his last name to his wife\’s maiden name. i don\’t know all the details, but Tom told me that it did take a long time to get that completed… court time and everything. all for a last name change! i think it\’s just ridiculous that they have to go through so much trouble. it\’s just a name and it means more to the husband and wife than to anyone else.
January 20th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Girl, you have struck a cord with me. I just hate the fact that most people assume that you are going to take your husband’s last name. I never took John’s, but for some reason everyone assumes I did. I HATE to get Mr. and Mrs. {his last name} stuff in the mail. I also hate the fact that just because he did not want to compromise both my kids, that came out of MY body, have his last name. The world is just not right.
January 21st, 2007 at 7:55 pm
I didn’t realize it was that hard for men. It will be interesting to hear how it all plays out.
January 29th, 2007 at 7:23 am
Oh, I wanted to keep my maiden name almost 38 years ago when I got married! It just wasn’t done much then and I wasn’t brave enough to start. My husband said the second half of our marriage we’d switch to my maiden name! But it’s not fair that a man has to go through more work and $$ for what the wife does free…
February 21st, 2007 at 10:36 am
Before Gerry and I got married, we had those thoughts laid on the table. “Equality of men and women.” We were on the roll with our rants (well, me mostly!) about how women were required to change names in the past and such. How we were just expected to lose our identities when we get married, etc etc. In the Philippines, where we and our families originally came from, women keeping their last names after marriage are quite unpopular, though laws do permit them. The only gutsy ones are the actresses. The rest either change their name or at the most, hyphenate. But I made a decision early in life that whether I have chosen to continue to live there or will have to move someplace else as I have done, I would want to keep my name. Or open the duscussion for a combined name or something fair for both man and woman. In the course of our conversation, we came up with quite a number of last name combinations (some of them quite hilarious!) of his and my last name. It was funny. And as a joke he said something about he should adapt my last name. Too complicated! Well, anyway, I’ve kept my name.
ps: And I’ve found out that such a decision is much easier on the paperwork for these licensures that I am working on! Bonus! pps: Thanks for adding me to your contact at Flickr, Elaine…
July 3rd, 2007 at 1:55 am
I followed a link in my stats to this post, and I realized something … in Texas, you can complete an “Assumed Name” form for about $15 or less. It is the same form that you use for a DBA. You fill it out, and then you can do anything you want under that name. It is super easy. Not sure why a husband couldn’t just do that?
Because technically, I’m not only just Christine Selleck, but I’m also “Sudsalicious Bodyworks”. We joked years ago that that would be my stage name if I ever needed one at a strip joint!
Also, in Texas, you can legally go by whatever name you want – as long as you are not doing it to commit a crime. Of course, it would be harder to deal with banks, etc. without the “Assumed Name” certificate, but that is easy to get from the County Clerk’s office.
Kenny could finally, legally, have a hyphenated last name!